Desire
by Mirai-Xenia
Summary: Did he ever think it'd be like this when he joined them? That he'd learn of substitution, of settling for less... that he'd know the satisfaction that comes with living within his own regrets, knowing all along there is no one to blame but himself. Ryro
1. Ch1: Problems

**Disclaimer**: Don't own X-men.

**Desire**

Chapter 1

* * *

_"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." _

_-Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)- _

* * *

Perhaps it isn't left within oneself to make the decision that changes their lives forever. Something so significant must be determined by certain pressuring factors that stripped one of their true emotions and senses, leaving their minds in a muddle-heap. Yet, with everything that must happen, it's hard for one to concede to the fact that their lives were decided frivolously, without any true forethought. Fortune was based upon a lucky guess and ill fortune rather is one paying for their foolish and misguided decisions. When you want something, you are told to strive for it. One thing or an ideal becomes your sole desire and you run, chase it into oblivion for a simple glimpse. Yet, to achieve such, you do anything. Fear, anger, pain and depression all coalesce into one another, tearing any rationality apart as your hope flares into the brightest flame. You don't care about what you may or will become, as long as the same conclusion is met. However, the trials and tribulations that fall upon a person can affect them in the deepest ways imaginable. 

Power is a gift, love is a blessing and happiness is a fleeting moment that is afraid of commitment. This is what you learn when you throw your life away, when everything you know becomes transparent and you can't distinguish where the boundaries are anymore. When all you can feel is the sweat trickle down your face as heat consumes your body and then the frigid air that envelopes you as gray wisps tease you by simply lingering near your flesh. You learn of substitution, settling for less and the satisfaction that comes with living within your own misgivings and regrets, knowing all along there is no one to blame, but yourself.

* * *

The striking sound of wind whipping around me filled my ears as my body clutched at the jacket that I wore. I stared out at the expansive wilderness, not exactly knowing why I had done it. He smiled back at me and I couldn't help but feel a swell in satisfaction over defying the crippled old man that I was taught to be ever grateful to. They had sheltered me like a child. Instead of nurturing my ability, they stuffed me into classes that I could have easily taken if I felt so inclined without coming to the institution. Yet how could I deny the curiosity of staying? So many alluring things surrounded me. The power that the teachers held was incredible. Also the student body was littered with girls that knew what I was and wasn't scared to approach me beside the factor. Maybe that's just my hormones talking, but I cannot deny the fact that I enjoyed myself some of the time at the very least. 

They mumbled to themselves and I watched from the corner of my eye. They silently seemed to promise experience, a chance to learn, to hone my abilities and learn to completely control them. However the uneasiness within me never left. I had heard ghost stories about the brotherhood, yet at the moment such rumors could not be placed.

Mystique whispered into Eric's ear and she smiled as she glanced at me. I won't pretend to be ignorant of what they may want of me. I knew better than anyone that I would serve as excellent manipulative bait, if Lesher ever decided to confront Xavier. Yet it didn't seem to matter. I was just using him as well, for all they were concerned. I wanted power. Lesher claimed that I was a 'god among insects.' Now I wanted to know if he really meant it or if he was simply trying to goad me into to his confidence.

* * *

I had told him that I couldn't create it, yet he wasn't satisfied seemingly or rather he wouldn't believe it. The heat danced in my palm, resembling liquid as it slithered over every digit and encased my palm. One thing I never understood was why it didn't hurt. People who could project their mutation such as fire or…ice, were never injured by it. Although an impact with the substances would cause harm, they would never be burned by the heat or the frigid touch. 

"You're not even trying anymore."

I snuffed out the flame and glanced up, my eyes instantly locking on Lesher as he stalked into the room. He seemed so old physically, yet the power he wielded left everyone in the brotherhood fearful. He walked up to me, stopping before the couch that I laid on. He always left me uncomfortable, holding the same scrutinizing glare that Xavier was renown for in the institute.

"Your progress has been disappointing, Pyro." Lesher began as he turned away. He was rather fond of pacing and I didn't act surprised as he disappeared to stroll around the couch. "You should be able to at least make a spark come to life by now, yet you continue to bar such progress from yourself."

"I already told you... I can only control it." This came out in a low hiss, my anger boiling to the surface. It wasn't the first time we had this conversation. The frustration that grew with every month was unbearable, nothing ever changed. Sure I could shape it now, anything I wanted could be molded by a single spark created by my Zippo, yet that was just it. Without it I was useless.

"Yes you have told me numerous times, yet I don't believe you." He paused and leaned down from behind me, his lips close to my ear, "When Stryker used Cerebro to eradicate all mutants, what happened _John?_

I gritted my teeth and shoved myself upright, "I don't know why that happened."

"Yet it did and you continue to deny the fact that this simple task is beyond your abilities."

My fists clenched tightly as I fought with myself and my rising frustration and anger. My fingers were itching to reach into my pocket, where my trusted Zippo laid, yet I knew better from past experience. He would have taken it from me before a spark was allowed to fall. "I couldn't control myself, I don't even understand what was happening to me. One minute I was walking and next writhing on the ground in pain. I was too goddamn distracted to notice that the snow was melting around me, let alone understand it."

"Yet it happened."

"Only before you sent Xavier after the humans!" I yelled, turning about on my heel to face him, "I felt the heat, everything sinking back into my pores yet I don't know how it came to exist. Don't you believe I have tried! More than anything, I-"

"You what?" Lesher mocked, raising a brow.

"You claimed that I was a 'god among insects', that my true name was Pyro. You promised me in that statement that power could be mine."

"And it shall," He smiled, seemingly amused by my outburst, "However, you must earn it first _John_. Only then can you truly call yourself Pyro. Yet with the distractions you hold, its obvious to why you haven't progressed."

I paused in my retort and stared at his amusement in confusion. What distractions could he possibly be speaking of…

"You miss it."

"Miss what?"

"The institute…" He drawled, "You miss that little school of Xavier's."

I turned away, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing the emotions that played across my face, "No, I don't."

"Well, maybe not the school itself or your life as a doting prodigy under Charles's fingertips, but there are things _within_ the school you miss."

I couldn't help the gasp that escaped me and I shut my eyes from the invasion of mental images that bombarded me. Skin smooth, the color of cream, framed by chocolate streaked locks, every strand itching for my touch. I felt them before I saw them, eyes that told more than any words could articulate, a deep emerald green and shinning with an innocence that was unbearable to behold. I shuddered, the tremor caused by multiple reasons that I would never say.

Lesher's hand fell upon my shoulder and I stiffened, "John, such things aren't worth wasting your life over. Things that are out of reach and _untouchable_."

"I control the untouchable," I commented lowly as I took out my Zippo and produced a baseball-sized orb of fire above my palm, its shape twisting within itself, taking no distinguishable shape.

Lesher seemed to find my comment amusing, for he laughed and turned to walk away, "Perhaps young John, but-" He stopped and glanced back. Without another word, he raised his arm up and opened his palm. In an instant my Zippo was gone and held securely within his thin fingers. "Yet, you still need assistance, you cannot control it on your own and that's why it slips from your grasp allowing others to take hold of what you seek."

The lighter came back to my hand and he walked out, his words weighing in my mind. I didn't know if he meant for the double-innuendo behind his words or if I was simply being paranoid, but the reminder of my situation did nothing to calm my mood. I threw the tiny vortex I had created at the sofa, watching as every inch of fabric, thread and stuffing, was engulfed and consumed by the inferno.

I stared down at my Zippo, a frown on my face. It wouldn't last forever…I tossed it up and caught it, all the while unaware of the eyes studying me from the corner. I pocketed it, turning on my heel as footsteps reached my ears.

"I don't need any more lectures today…" I mumbled to myself as I glanced at the metal frame and ashen piles that remained of the piece of furniture. I had reached the doorway Lesher had left from before, when I paused. I glanced back into the room, my eyes searching every dark corner and for a moment I could have sworn I saw something….something yellow. I shook my head and laughed at my own paranoid delusions.

"Johnny you need to get out of here and get laid…" I imitated, my mind falling back on Toad's reaction to my sour mood the day before. I shoved my hands into my pockets and left… Maybe he was right…

* * *

Don't kill me. Origins is being worked on and so is Misplaced…. They're just being incredibly difficult. This idea has swirled around in my head for quite some time. I was thinking about the one-shot challenge I wrote before and decided to continue it. The whole part of the snow melting when cerebro was being used to kill mutants is from the novelization of the second movie. Kind of short, but something for you all to read while you wait. Hope you liked it!  



	2. CH2: Proposition

**Warnings:** Language and... ummm… little _lime_, tiny bit….

**Disclaimer**: Don't own X-men.

Desire

Chapter 2

"If a man could pass through Paradise in a dream, and have a flower presented to him as a pledge that his soul had really been there, and if he found that flower in his hand when he awake - Aye, what then?"

_-Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772-1834)-_

* * *

Indeed it was a rather compromising position… The knowledge left a rather acrid taste in my mouth as I turned within my sheets, knowing full and well that I hadn't been forced into the action. Lesher's face came to my mind and I cursed him silently. I hadn't believed that missing my target had taken us back all that much. However, apparently not everyone agreed with me on this matter. Yet despite my acknowledgement of my involvement in our delayed success, I truly had not predicted that such an event would unfold before me.

* * *

When we had returned, my body simple fell into autopilot as I walked back to my room. The amount of fire I had created truly burned out almost all my energy. Also the fact that I had neglected to put out a few of my fires along the way took a toll. Something Toad found enjoyable to jeer at me for. It wasn't like I felt like enough of a child with Lesher's lectures, but now everyone was starting to get in on me. 

With the gnawing exhaustion and rising migraine, all I wanted was to simply fall into my bed and ignore the world for the next few days. Sinking into my mattress I let out a contented sigh as I reached out for the pillow above me. This was odd… Instead of the soft cotton pillow, my hand found itself sifting through… strands of hair??

At once a bit of panic laced through me as I cracked open an eye and searched one side of the bed. This did look like my room and even through my foggy mind I did not believe I would actually stumble into someone else's room. I pulled myself up and turned, finding my visage assaulted with a rather familiar figure. The sheet had been drawn up to her shoulders, silky porcelain skin led to dark brown hair that spilled over one of my pillows. Quite quickly I came to the conclusion that one of two things may be happening. I was either asleep, having a rather nice dream, or perhaps the exhaustion had made me delusion for there was no possible way this could be real.

A small murmur tore my attention back to the face of the figure and she turned in her slumber towards me, her arm coming down across her chest. My eyes stayed glued to the area as the action caused her breasts to be squeezed together slightly. I suppressed the urge to groan at the sight, but found that a part of me was unwilling to let go of the rising desire inside of me. She seemed so innocent in her sleep and I cursed myself. Here I was lusting after a sleeping woman, if that didn't make me seem like some sort of deranged pervert. Then again, what the hell was she doing here?

I wasn't complaining, far from it actually. Although, I had the sneaking suspicion that if she woke up she would kill me for staring at her like this.

I tore my eyes away from her chest and glanced into her face and instantly choked on my next breath. Staring back at me was two emerald green eyes. I felt all the blood drain from my face as I thought of the repercussions that would come. Yet to my utter amazement, she simple smiled at me and sighed as she stretched. Then hugging one of my pillows tighter as if it was a stuffed animal, she lazily blinked, "Hey sug…"

Her name was lodged in my throat. I feared that if I uttered one syllable of it that she would disappear. Although that was quite impossible in retrospect, however I still favored the idea that this had to be a dream.

"Hey…" I managed slowly and she giggled at my bewildered expression.

"Johnny, what's the matter?" She pouted, her bottom lip jutting out the tiniest bit and I found myself transfixed on her lips. This wasn't the time for my hormones to kick into high gear, but unfortunately I had no say in the matter.

"I'm dreaming…" I mumbled to myself as I toppled backwards onto the other side of my bed. Another giggle floated through the air and I covered my face with my arms as I suppressed a groan. I could still feel the dull ache in my limbs and the pulsing void that my fires had left within me. You don't feel pain in a dream right?

A hand delicately plucked away one of my arms and I felt the light wash onto my face. I dared a small peek and gasped as I found her only a few inches away. Slowly, she inched over me, setting her self on top of my chest and nestled between my arms. Then again why fight it? If it was a dream, then there really was no other conclusion. Well there was the lingering doubt I was hallucinating, but I waved the thought aside. Optimism was my friend…

"Rogue…" I let the name slip from my lips in a low whisper. It felt good to say it, like a reverent prayer. She rested her chin against my collarbone and ran a hand through my hair. It took me a moment, but I found myself staring at her chin then. It was touching my skin… Well this was a change of pace; usually my dreams unfortunately ended with an accidental touch whose phantom shocks would bring me abruptly into the waking world.

"John…" Her voice came out low and husky as she drawled out my name. Her other hand splayed itself over my chest and swept down to inch down my side before resting possessively on my hip. I always had imagined her to be more demure with a shy look and a blush coloring her cheeks as she did this. Yet, this Rogue wasn't acting normal, or rather by my standards of normal. She swept her hand up, letting her fingertips skim the fabric of my jeans just below my navel and she shifted off me. I watched, eyes half hooded as she toyed with the top button and slowly brought down my zipper, so incredibly slow that it hurt. I closed my eyes as her hand covered me; cotton briefs the only separation.

"What do u want me to do sug… what do u want Johnny…" She purred by nickname, each questioned ending with a slow light stroke. Yet, with as good as it felt, it didn't feel right. I wasn't complaining about the ministrations, by all means they were like heaven. However, it occurred to me that I had never imagined her this… aggressive.

I jumped suddenly as something warm slid around my navel, her tongue dipping in and swirling around. Groaning now, coherent thought was quickly going out the window. My body didn't seem to care for my brain's worries, and I could almost agree.

Her hand skimmed the tip this time, and I sucked in a quick breath before gazing down at her. She was staring at me, her eyes intense and penetrating. A look, I didn't recognize and I scrunched the sheets beneath my hands. Something wasn't right… didn't feel right. The aches in my body were still there, which wasn't right if this was a dream.

"Who are you?" I tried to sound collected, but the low husky tone that escaped my lips betrayed me. It was slowly dawning on me that this couldn't be a dream and if that was so… .

She pouted then and pulled herself up, "Johnny… what are you talking about?" She leaned into me, both arms sliding up my chest to cross behind my neck. Defiantly not the reaction I was use to.

"Who are you?"

She frowned then, and tried to tilt my head down for a kiss. I would be lying if I said I wasn't still tempted to continue our previous activities. However I would like to credit myself with some self-control.

I threw off her arms and pulled back, "Who the _fuck_ are you?"

She slowly pulled herself up, sliding her body against mine. Leaning back, she arched herself suggestively into the air, "Johnny, Johnny…" Straightening, she looked at me for a few seconds before slipping off my bed. "We could have had fun."

A name alit within my mind and I cursed fervently. "Mystique."

"Hon, don't be mad…" She drawled as her skin folded and the sharp blue scales ran over her body in a wave. "I only wanted to help you."

How dare she screw with me like that! I never had asked for her help, and there sure was no way in hell that this would have solved anything. "Cut the bullshit Mystique, what the hell were you doing in my room?" She pursed her lips and leaned back a bit as her hips swayed gently. Her eyes swept over my body and a small smile touched her lips. "What the hell is so funny?"

"No one could take you seriously Pyro…" Her eyes gleamed with her amusement as she sauntered forward to tap me lightly on the nose, "When you're like that."

I glanced down and grinded my teeth as I found myself with my pants and brief still pulled down to my knees. Swinging my legs down, I pulled them up and scowled at the blue woman, "What do you want?"

"I heard you were having a problem."

I glanced up from buttoning my jeans and raised a brow in confusion, "A_ problem_?"

Turning away, she pulled out a chair from my desk and straddled it backwards. Her hands coming to neatly rest on top of the back as she laid her head down, "Eric believes you've been too distracted."

"Either way it's not your fucking problem Mystique." I ground out as I flipped my Zippo open and close. I didn't even notice myself taking it out…

"I'm afraid it is my problem, if Eric is this worried over it." She stated evenly, "With your behavior, I'm not surprised we haven't been killed."

"You're a real bitch, you know that Mystique…" I scoffed lightly as I sat down, but she simply smiled.

"You need to clear your head boy, we have no use for someone who cannot perform accordingly."

"Huh, really… and pray tell, how would you screwing me help _cure_ me?" I bit back with a snap of my Zippo.

"You desire her, I simply wanted to relieve you of it." She stated simply as she stood up.

"Oh yeah, how the hell would you know that?" I almost yelled, my emotions getting the better of me. Who the hell did she think she was waltzing in and thinking that this would solve everything? I did want Rogue… I squeezed my eyes shut and pushed out the images of Mystique on top of me, looking so much like Rogue. It'd be a cold day in hell when I would let that happen again.

"Fight it all you want John." She shrugged and shuffled to the door. "If you change your mind though…" I cursed silently as she lowered her voice to that Mississippi accent I loved, "I'm right here sug."

"Get the fuck out!" I yelled, hating Mystique for her trick and Lesher for thinking I was so weak. I winced as I realized a part of myself was still standing at half mass. She blew a kiss as a low laugh followed her leave, no doubt amused by my outburst. A part of myself was disgusted with Mystique's trick, but the other couldn't forget what she promised in her deception. Charles's little mansion was far and gone, and Rogue with it. I fell back against the bed and sighed, "Fuck."

* * *

Fun to write, and more amusing than Origin's next chapter, which is emotionally packed to the hilt. Mistakes probably there… but yeah felt like posting. Call it an urge. Sorry, for all the readers who are waiting for Origin's next chapter. It's halfway done, just at an annoying impasse at the moment. I hope you all are liking the fic. 


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